Friday, September 23, 2011

An Afternoon Lost

I wasn't going to blog this, but Eric isn't here right now, and I feel like I need to get it out.

Today I was duped.  Not into buying anything, thankfully, but I did lose three hours I'll never have back.

At noon the doorbell rang.  I had just finished working out, and was super gross =)  I was also very much looking forward to giving the kids lunch and getting them down for naps.  Alas, it wasn't meant to be.  There was a young man at the door, and he asked if I used tissues, while handing me a small package of Charlie Brown tissues.  It was so random, but you know the kids were all over them.  Then, he asked me if he could ask me a few questions.  (This is where it gets tricky.  I took a course in college where I had to give out surveys and I'll never forget how hard it was to get people to take them.  Hence, I am generally willing to help with surveys).  This is also the first of two times he said,

"I won't try to sell you anything."

He also said,

"It will only take a minute."

I said sure, and he ran back to the shadiest van ever and starting hauling a big box back to my house.  When he got to the door he went to move past me and said,

"Is there a spot I can clean?"

I literally said,

"What??  I am so confused?"

The wheels kept turning in my head, and I thought, maybe he needs to do some kind of experiment before he can ask the questions?  So I let him in.  BIG MISTAKE.  He then tediously started unpacking and assembling a Kirby vacuum.  Once it was together, he started to vacuum.  He put in filter after filter and started little filter dirt piles all over our library.  I will give them this, the vacuum seemed to work fabulously.

Then he had me get out my vacuum (which is a dyson, thank you very much) for a side by side comparison.

Then he vacuumed the stairs, at which point I thought, this guy is totally cleaning my house.  About this time I started to get really antsy though.  I had been holding Audrey so she couldn't get to the little dirt filters and we had both had enough together time.  Amos and Maggie were going nuts.  I have no idea how this guy was so clueless about reading the situation.

This went on for a while, hundreds of dirt filled filters (with a strategically place "Kirby" on them) lining the floors.  Then, he showed me about 5 attachments for the vacuum.  Using even more filters.  One of them was a paint sprayer.  SO ridiculous.  Finally, he got to the carpet shampooer.  I really should have stopped him at this point, but I didn't even know what to do.  It was so awkward and weird.  So, he shampooed.  While the shampoo is drying, he hands me a flyer and says,

"Here is the cost of the system.  Don't get scared off by it though, because my boss can get it lowered for you."

Bold Laura would have said,

"What??? You said you weren't going to sell me anything!!!"

Actual Laura said,


The price for the vacuum: $2600.  I am so sure.  At this point I quit caring.  This guy was taking forever, and I was so bored.  His stuff was everywhere and a million Kirby attachments were scattered around the house in their demo locations.  So, I started making my kids lunch (since it was now 2:30!).  And browsing the Internet.  And still, this guy was putzing around my house.  Finally he says,

"I am going to call my boss and get you the best price." 

Uh.  No thank you.

So, he starts talking to "the boss" on the cellphone and relaying information to me.  They keep offering lower and lower prices and I keep saying no.  I did learn that it's pretty darn fun to negotiate when you don't want the thing at all.  There's no losing there.  Two things stood out from this part of the experience though:

1. I told him we don't believe in financing anything.  You pay cash or you don't buy it (with the exception of our house).  He relayed this message to his boss as "she can't get financing."
2. At one point during the conversation he said, "Can you keep a secret?" and I said yes.  (We all know the answer to that is really no).  Anyway, he then says into the phone: "She can keep a secret."  Following which, they offer yet another lower price.

So lame!

I am so done at this point, and I offer him a garbage bag for the million dirty filters all over the floor.  He hesitated before accepting it.  After reading about others' experience with this sales pitch on the Internet, I fully believe he had no intention of picking up the filters.  He did though.  But, he brought me the trash bag of filters and said, "Here you go."  Ok, I guess I'll be putting those in the trash for you.

This is taking almost as long as the demo, so I'll end it.  Eventually, he accepted my "no."  Final things that stood out:

1. He asked to use the bathroom.  Twice.  I sent him to the kids' bathroom.  It's gross.  Point Laura.

2. He asked for a drink.  I said we have milk or water.  He chose milk.  I don't know why I find that so annoying.

3. He asked me for windex to clean the Kirby when he was done. 

4. His ride abandoned him at my house.  So, he sat on my porch for a while waiting for them to come back.  Again, lame.

5. Dave was in and out while all of this was going on. Thankfully, he had my back.  Salesman noticed a family picture at one point, and said, "wow, your husband has lost weight," while motioning to Dave.  I said, "That's not my husband."  Period.  He didn't know what to do with himself at that point.  Another point for me.

6. In case you're wondering, I got them down to $800 before getting too annoyed to continue.  Nope, can't keep a secret.

I will willingly admit that I think Kirbys are cool, and probably work really great, but I am so annoyed at being lied to that I don't think I would ever consider one now.

This was long, but I needed to put it out there.  Now, I am off to make a "no soliciting sign."


Laura said...

Number 5 is my favorite part of this whole story and literally made me laugh out loud! So awesome!

deveney said...

ridiculous!! i can't believe this, so crazy, you were nice to let him stay so long and i think that he went for your milk is super annoying as well.

Andrea said...

i seriously just laughed out loud for a long time at this post. 1- it makes me miss you! 2-#5 at the bottom had me (still has me as i type) laughing. 3- my brother and sis in law had the same thing happen... making this story even more funny to me.

Cynthia said...

Did you ever wonder how I got my Kirby? Laughed out loud even in the Dominican Republic.

Laura Horne said...

Actually, Mom, I had an idea. I thought of you and your Kirby a lot yesterday =)

Anonymous said...

Bryan & I had this same experience. Totally annoying. We both agreed too that the Kirby vaccum is really nice and we would've might considered it....but with that kind of presentation and shadiness we never want one. Bryan even called Kirby's corporate office to complain about it. It totally creeped us out to have them lie to us like they did. I think they should change their approach if they want to sell anything.

Kendra said...

What the heck?! That sounds like the most bizarre experience ever. Seriously? Using your bathroom twice, drinking your milk, giving YOU his trash, waiting for his ride. All of it. So bizarre and annoying. I love the part with Dave. So great. And btw, I'm so glad you couldn't keep a secret...about any of it. ;)

Party of Four said...

creepy creeperson! A few weeks ago I had a foreign exchange student try to sell me educational books for my kids........ And then ask me if I had a present she could give her room mate since it was so late. Weird!! I made a "no solicitors" sign as well.