I have been trying to think of something to blog about all week, but nothing has felt quite right. I've had ideas and blogworthy things have happened, but none of them have transferred well to type. I even wrote one, published it, and then took it back. Did you see it? It had a very short life. To make matters worse, this is my 500th post. 500. It should be a good one, right?
Well, its going to be a truthful one, and I think truthfulness is good. Honestly, I am trying to find my way in the world. I am trying to figure out who I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. I know we all hate the phrase "just a mom," but I've got to be honest, I feel like "just a mom" right now. Most days nothing has progressed. I've worked all day just to keep things the same. For example: this bookshelf and this playroom.
I clean them all the time, just to have to do it all over again the next day. Laundry is the same. I barely finish a load when its time to do more laundry.
Today I was watching Oprah while working out. I hate Oprah, but I wanted to see her guest, Stephanie Nielsen of NieNie's Dialogues. Stephanie was talking about the terrible plane crash she was in, and her life after it. Stephanie said she had a vision while she was in a 3-month long coma and basically she knew she had the choice to give up this life, or to keep fighting and to return to her husband and kids, although it would be very hard. She said she knew immediately she would choose her family no matter how hard her life was going to be. Soon, I was sobbing as I was stepping. I think its safe to say that Stephanie's life is much more difficult than mine is, but I would make the same choice as her any day.
I choose my kids. Amos, Maggie, and any others that find their way to me. I choose them even if it means sweeping up cheerios 6000 times. I choose them.